Authenticity!

CSJ is having personal issues, that I will not mention. I will say however that I am beginning to see a little light, a little crack in the impenetrable wall of darkness that has overtaken me. If I would be alone in my wanderings, I would feel pretty bad. I see, however, that there are a very large amount of young orthodox jewish people with extreme issues with religion. They feel dissatisfied with the way their lives have turned out, and they are searching for something special, something that will take their pain away and clear away the cobwebs of doubt and distrust. I recently found some great open minded people to just talk to. I feel so much better. I find that if you know someone has a very hard life yet manages to keep the religion, family and job together, especially if that person is unusually upbeat and refined, his/her opinion is worth a MILLION times more than any rabbi's or for that matter anyone else who styles themselves as counselors. There are some things which can only be expressed by people who have survived the crucible and come out smiling. Note that most people seem to think that they have had a super hard life, so objectivity is very important when looking for someone. I generally head to people who have incredibly hard lives by anyone's estimation and still wake up every day smiling. There is truth and knowledge in the world, but very often we look for it in the wrong places. Rabbis and parents as well as friends like to think of themselves as all knowing but the fact is that they are not. I believe that true knowledge of god and of ourselves is hidden, and is only revealed to those who choose to seek it from hell and back. This is why the rebbe (I forgot which one) told his chasidim to seek blessings after his death from "Any jew with the tattooed numbers (of Auschwitz) on his arm and also the marks from tefilin". How many chassidim do you think actually listened to him or seek blessings from these jews now? That is the only true judaism that can be passed down from the heart. Rav J.B. Soloveitchick mentions many times that he is frustrated by his inability to pass on the true essence and as he calls it "the experience of judaism". That is coming from a man who arguably affected more orthodox jews with his warmth and wisdom than any other in recent times.