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Shakin' It

Five types of lulav shakers there be:
1. The Obnoxious Poker- This shaker is in his shaking groove and doesn't care if his sharp palm branch pokes you in the arse (repeatedly). Seen legally, this should be a Federal offence with 5-10 years of a different type of poking going on in maximum security.
2. The Blind Shaker- Old/Kiddy/Crazy/Visually impaired people should get SMALL lulavs as they tend to have a rough time with lulav manuevering. In legal terms, he who provides LARGE lulavs to these types should face a misdemeanor with a stiff fine. (jail time for repeat offenders)
3. The Prophetic Shakers-I have been religous my entire life with no pleasant teenage interludes, yet I cannot understand the look of pain on these intense shakers' faces. A deeply religous experience is NOT supposed to look like a baby delivery. Also, look for wild gyrations of body and lulav. sheesh! cool the holiness!
4. The Mainstream Shaker- Shows some interest in what he is doing . The most normal of shakers. Generally dads who have not been kept up all night, older teens,and younger adults fall into this most normal of shaker categories.
5. The Bored Shaker-I must admit that I fell into this category this succos. Look for listless shaking accompanied by a zoned out look. Included in this category are dads who have been kept up all night, Younger "cool" teens, and people who are in general depressed numbnuts. (My shul has like a HUGE percentage of the listless shaker.) My excuse? LSAT nerves. I'm taking the damn thing tomorrow, Monday October 1st, at 8:30 AM. And yes, I would consider myself a depressed numbnut right about now.

Columbia and the Ayatollah's Mouthpiece

Ahmedinajad and his political family were described to me by an Iranian expatriate as pimps who will do anything for more power,money, etc. Ahmedinajad is also well known for his oppression of women and basic civil rights. He is a two-faced populist, giving one face to hard-right extremists in his country,and quite another to the incredibly gullible people here in the US. Giving this lowlife a basically open forum is giving him exactly what he wants and is enabling what is (at best) a severely irresponsible country in the mid-east to continue its efforts against peace. The ARAB countries view Iran as a threat-if they are worried, we definitely should be. Things are unfortunately heating up again in the mid-east; an all out war is definitely a possibility. Israel's bombing of the Syrian nuclear site, America and England sending planes and other weapons to Israel and supposedly nuetral/friendly arab regimes. The only way I could justify Columbia's decision is to invite someone like Prince Bandar and another high-ranking Arab official to question Ahmedinajad. President Lee Bollinger is just not cut out for this position, and this whole thing just smells very bad. Ahmedinajad will probably just do his little two step. To quote Deborah Lipstadt, author of "Denying the Holocaust"
" What is wrong, I am repeatedly asked, with hearing a different perspective?...This is precisely the deniers' goal: They aim to confuse the matter by making it appear as if they are engaged in a genuine scholarly effort when , of course, they are not."
Dr. Lipstadt in this quote is explaining the reason she will not debate Holocaust deniers. She refuses to grant any sort of legitimacy to the deniers' lies and avoidance of crucial evidence in place of what they want to espouse. Ahmedinajad, as a Holocaust denier, understands the power of being granted recognition by scholars. Does Columbia's President truly understand this? I doubt it!

Black Hat Gospel

Here's some black hat gospel:

Halleluyah! Praise The Felt! Come yea faithful, rub your collective faces in my pure rabbit fur borse! Feeeeeeeeeeel the holiiiiinesssssss! yeahhhhhh....I WILL Purify thee in my holy sweaty band! I will shake the dust of ages on your unworthy faces! LET my brim Dip Low Into Your Soul! Who will spend 175 bucks on something they hate ! Praise thee for thy sheeplike obedience! Come forth, come forth! I don't care what you've got on under me, make sure that glistening crown of compressed mammal detritus shines forth! MO, Chareidi, Yeshivish, Baalebatish, BT....I want you all! WHO will step forth for the LAWwrd..

pant...pant...whooosh...anyone can hand me a blog rant towel...thank you...