Shakin' It

Five types of lulav shakers there be:
1. The Obnoxious Poker- This shaker is in his shaking groove and doesn't care if his sharp palm branch pokes you in the arse (repeatedly). Seen legally, this should be a Federal offence with 5-10 years of a different type of poking going on in maximum security.
2. The Blind Shaker- Old/Kiddy/Crazy/Visually impaired people should get SMALL lulavs as they tend to have a rough time with lulav manuevering. In legal terms, he who provides LARGE lulavs to these types should face a misdemeanor with a stiff fine. (jail time for repeat offenders)
3. The Prophetic Shakers-I have been religous my entire life with no pleasant teenage interludes, yet I cannot understand the look of pain on these intense shakers' faces. A deeply religous experience is NOT supposed to look like a baby delivery. Also, look for wild gyrations of body and lulav. sheesh! cool the holiness!
4. The Mainstream Shaker- Shows some interest in what he is doing . The most normal of shakers. Generally dads who have not been kept up all night, older teens,and younger adults fall into this most normal of shaker categories.
5. The Bored Shaker-I must admit that I fell into this category this succos. Look for listless shaking accompanied by a zoned out look. Included in this category are dads who have been kept up all night, Younger "cool" teens, and people who are in general depressed numbnuts. (My shul has like a HUGE percentage of the listless shaker.) My excuse? LSAT nerves. I'm taking the damn thing tomorrow, Monday October 1st, at 8:30 AM. And yes, I would consider myself a depressed numbnut right about now.